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Bullying

Finding out that your child is being bullied is a stressful and distressing experience. It's natural for a parent to feel anger, confusion and guilt.

Some children are good at hiding their feelings and the first you may know of the problem is when your child suddenly doesn't want to go to school, or says they are ill when PE lessons are on the agenda.

Pointers to a Bullying Problem

Coming home with cuts and bruises
Wanting to avoid leaving the house
Torn clothes
Aggression with brothers and sisters
Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced
Doing less well at schoolwork
'Losing' dinner money
Insomnia
Falling out with previously good friends
Anxiety
Being moody and bad tempered
Being quiet and withdrawn

The worst thing to do is to over-react and storm into school demanding action. Bullying Online is regularly contacted by parents who have lost their temper and ended up banned from the premises or in trouble with the police.

Don't forget that if you didn't know your child was being bullied then the school may not have realised it either. The class teacher/head of year isn't your child's constant companion and isn't a mind reader.

If you think your child is being bullied, but you're not sure, then ask a few simple questions.

For a younger child

What did they do at school today?
Did they do anything they liked?
Did they do anything they didn’t like?
Are they looking forward to going school tomorrow?
What sort of games did they play?
Did they enjoy them?
Would they have liked to play different games with someone else?
How are their friends?

For an older child

What did they do at lunchtime today?
Is there anyone they’d like to invite home?
Is there any lesson at school they don’t like and why?
Is there anyone at school they don’t like and why?
Are they looking forward to going school tomorrow?

Is my Child a Bully?

You are a bully if do any of these things to someone else:

You call them names
You make up stories to get them into trouble
You take their friends away leaving them on their own
You hit them, kick them, trip them up or push them around
You make remarks about their looks or weight
You don't choose them to be your partner in class
You tell them you're busy and then go off to enjoy yourself with other people
You damage their property
You make jokes about them when you can see they're upset
You indulge in horseplay when you know they are not enjoying it
You're going along with the crowd who are doing any of these things
You tell other people not to be friends with them
You make remarks about their culture, religion or colour
You make remarks about their disability or medical condition
You leave them out when you're choosing a games team
You take away their possessions or demand money from them
You hide their books or bag
You send them nasty text messages or make silent calls on their phone
You make threats about nasty things that will happen to them
You make remarks about them liking other boys or other girls. This is homophobia.

Your first reaction might be disbelief that your well-behaved son or daughter is being accused of bullying. You can expect them to deny it.

But before you dismiss the thought out of hand, listen to what the school has to say about it. Parents rarely complain to a school at the outset of bullying, there's usually been a history of unhappiness. Sometimes the target has had to take time off school through fear and may be suffering such distress that they need to see a doctor.

You need to take what the school says seriously and work with staff on a solution. There are times when people are unjustly accused of being bullies but a thorough investigation should reveal this.

Source: Bullying UK October 2007

Local Groups & Workshops

Groups and workshops give you the opportunity to share your experiences with other parents and discuss fresh ideas on how you and your children can make the most of life. For further information on local contacts and groups in your area contact:

For under 5s

Torquay Sure Start Children's Centres: 01803 329666
Paignton and Brixham Children's Centre: 01803 556081

For over 10s

Call Leigh on 01803 402863 or Becky on 01803 402865

Health Visiting Teams

Brixham: 01803 853374
Torquay South: 01803 219810
Torquay North: 01803 327855
Paignton: 01803 696783

Cluster Teams

Visit the Cluster Teams page for further information on the four teams in Torbay.